Many of us know people who are caught in the bullying cycle. Stories have been reported all over the news about children and adults bullying others to the point that the only way the victims think the abuse will end, is if they kill themselves. What can we do to stop this destructive cycle, before another teenager or young adult takes their life?
Bullies and victims look to their parents and other adults as role models when observing how they should behave. Some children are encouraged to bully, because they view their parents and other adults bullying them and they are acting out because of it.

Still, there is that school of adults who say: So what? Kids will be kids. To them I ask: When did kids decide that you had to make fun of others or hurt yourself or someone else to be heard?
Our kids live in a society where they are afraid to be open with others because they are afraid they will be judged. Their religion, sexuality, height, weight, even the places they live, make kids open to being bullied because they feel like they’re under this judgmental microscope. Victims are afraid to tell their friends, school system and parents that they are being bullied because they are afraid no one will listen.

How does someone get caught in that cycle?

A bully is someone who hurts someone else (the victim) by using emotional taunting (racial/ethnic/religious slurs, name calling, etc.) and physical coercion (punching, hitting, shoving, etc.)
People become bullies because of may ‘reasons’. They bully because they want others to feel worse than they do. They bully because they feel like other kids and adults will find it cool. The simplest reason is that bullies abuse others because they are afraid and insecure of who they have the potential to become in their lives. Bullies hurt others because they have a deep, painful hole inside them that they believe can only be filled with hate, anger and bigotry toward others.

Why do they do this?

The bully wants to appear like ‘top dog’ in the ‘pack’.
The bully is insecure about something in their own lives and makes the victim feel insecure so that the bully feels better about themselves.

What is the danger of bullying?

The bully can cause things to escalate which results in further emotional and physical stress on the victim. The bully’s friends can then become involved to increase the bullying.
The victim as a result shuts down emotionally, pulls away from others and can become a danger to themselves through cutting, drug use, risky behavior and in some extreme instances, suicide.

How do bullies break the cycle they’ve created?

They break the cycle by acknowledging they bully. They make changes in their behaviors (making amends with people they bully and encouraging others to not bully in their place). Bullies decide at that point to lead by example.

So I would like to say to everyone out there who is gay, bi, transsexual, etc. or if you have a different religion or color than your friends, please know that there are people out in the world who do love you for who you are and who support you. Being the way you are is not a mistake. The Creator made you the way you are to show everyone a deeper, more compassionate way to love.

I encourage other ministers, clergy, adults, teachers and community leaders out there who do not share this inclusive view with me, know that I won’t judge you, but I will say: You must promote love and love your brothers and sisters. Appreciate their differences and love …who they are because they share your soil. To promote hate and division implodes us from the inside as a country, which degrades our society as it spills out and poisons our youth into thinking that they must carry hate too. Hate for themselves and others.
If you are someone right now who is a bully or who is being bullied and you need to talk to someone, send me a message, email me, call me, have your mom or dad call me. Just know you are not alone and that someone does want to hear your story and recognize your voice.
Stay strong and remember, you are a bright light in the world and you are a beautiful soul.